


i swear to the sky

by hakhee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Overworking, Sad, Sickness, but you could see it as romantic, the junhao is platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 02:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakhee/pseuds/hakhee
Summary: junhui danced, because that’s all he could do.





	i swear to the sky

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first seventeen fic, even though they were the first group i ever stanned. just a warning, if overworking and sickness are triggers for you, please don’t read this.

junhui danced.

he danced until his legs gave out, every day of every week. there was nothing and nobody that could stop him from pushing himself harder and harder after every practice. if he let himself and the group fail, who would he be? he reminded himself of that as he forced his legs to move for just a little bit longer.

he could tell his members were worried about him, every time he limped out of bed or threw up his breakfast. they would come up to him and ask what was wrong, why he was acting like this. he would brush it off, say he was sick or extremely sore from practice the day before. it wasn’t a lie, but not the complete truth.

as the rest of seventeen left the practice room that particular day, junhui stayed behind. he used the typical excuse that he needed to practice one more move, and would be back in a little while. the boys reluctantly walked out. as soon as they left, junhui was back on his feet. the choreography this comeback was especially sharp and fast. he had never been good at that type of thing. 

as he watched himself in the mirror, he thought about who he had become. his eyes were sunken in and had dark circles resting underneath them. his body was getting thinner and thinner by the day and he could see his ribs when he lifted his shirt up. the person he was looking at in the mirror wasn’t him, he concluded. there was no way he would ever let himself get to that point. so, he turned and kept on moving, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that overshadowed the rest of his thoughts.  _ you wouldn’t look that way if you weren’t such a disappointment.  _

when junhui started dancing, he loved the feeling of the music running through his veins. he loved the way he felt in control, of the music and himself, as he moved. it felt refreshing to throw himself into his art, even when he felt sad. dancing was his passion.

now, it just felt tiring. every shift of his limbs felt like this monster growing inside him that would never leave. he yearned for the day he would finally get a break, and not worry about dragging everybody else down, but he knew it would likely never come. he was in the performance team, he had to be outstanding, and currently that was not the case. he saw it in their manager’s eyes when he was asked to show what he had practiced so far. he said it looked good, but junhui knew it wasn’t the truth. nobody ever wanted to tell him the truth.

as he moved through the choreography another time, he felt the familiar pain starting to build up in his legs. it was a clear sign that he was over exerting himself, but he continued. if he didn’t, he wasn’t the only one who would suffer. so, he closed his eyes and pushed himself further.

he eventually got so into practicing that he didn’t hear the door open behind him. he only noticed somebody was in the room with him when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

he whipped back, surprised to see minghao standing behind him. he had a look on his face that junhui couldn’t distinguish, a strange mix of wide eyes and a tight lipped smile.

“you’re going to get sick if you keep practicing, you know.” 

for a second, junhui thought he knew what he had been doing every night when he said he was taking some alone time or working on something. but quickly realized that there was no possible way minghao could know, not unless he was stalking him, which was  _ highly _ unlikely.

he pushed minghao’s hand off of his shoulder and walked over to the speaker to turn the music off. he was caught off guard by the sudden dizziness that hit him like a brick. he had trouble walking a straight line, but focused on getting there. once he reached the small table he leaned his weight onto it, supporting himself for a moment. it relieved the nausea slightly, but junhui’s vision was still blurry and he could feel the spinning in the back of his head.  _ push through it,  _ he told himself.  _ you always do. _

“i’m fine, haohao. i just need to get a few moves down. don’t worry about me,” junhui gave a reassuring smile, though it was very obviously forced. 

minghao shook his head and clicked his tongue, throwing junhui a bottle of water that he had gotten from his backpack. “how can i not? do you see yourself these days, ge? you barely eat, don’t sleep, and are constantly excusing yourself. and on top of all of that, you look dead.”

junhui caught the water bottle with one hand, lifting his other one up to twist the cap off. he only realized his mistake when he stumbled and the spinning in his head kicked in full force, causing the bottle to fall straight to the ground. thankfully, he caught himself on the table and shakily stood up as well as he could with the pain in his legs making them feel like they were on fire. minghao definitely noticed, as he rushed over immediately to make sure junhui was okay.

“oh my god, are you okay? we need to get you back to the dorms right now so you can get some sleep,” junhui pushed minghao’s arms away from him at the best of his capability, slapping at his hands to get them away. “what are you doing? come on.”

he only continued to fight, shoving minghao as hard as he could. the younger boy’s eyes widened in shock as junhui attempted to walk backwards, tripping over himself and falling on his butt. “no. i need to stay here. i need- i need to do better. i can’t disappoint you guys.”

he seemed to be saying it to himself more than minghao, muttering it and running his hands through his hair frustratedly. minghao slowly walked over to him and offered him a hand that got ignored. 

“ge, what are you  _ saying?  _ please, talk to me!” he was desperate, pleading, as junhui continued to scrutinize himself in a low enough voice that minghao couldn’t hear it.  _ no _ , he repeated.  _ don’t tell minghao. don’t be a burden on him too. _

jun took a deep breath and looked up at his junior, offering a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “i already told you not to worry about me. just go home, i can take care of myself here.”

his words weren’t sincere. there was a part deep inside of him that was screaming for minghao to stay, to help him. he wanted someone to tell him everything was going to be okay and that he was okay, because the way the world was going black at its edges wasn’t making him feel that way. his heart dropped down to his feet when minghao stood fully up instead of staying crouched next to him, walking away. junhui shut his eyes.  _ not even minghao wants to stay. why would anybody else? _

“junhui? don’t close your eyes, i’m calling manager hyung. stay with me for just a second,” junhui wanted to cry when he opened his eyes again, because minghao hadn’t left, he had just walked to grab his phone from his backpack. what he said hit him, he realized that everyone would see him like this.  _ they’ll think you’re disgusting.  _ he winced, and stood up to the best of his ability.  _ because you are. _

“stop, please. i don’t want manager hyung here,” his voice was weak and his head hurt, but minghao still heard him.

he looked at junhui with worried eyes and tapped something on his phone. “okay, i can call cheol hyung. he’ll know what to do.”

“no, minghao!” that startled both of them, his loud voice echoing through the room. “i don’t want anybody here. i don’t want  _ you  _ here.”

minghao stayed where he was, though his stance was a noticeably less determined than it had been before. junhui didn’t make any moves either, rooted to his spot. it might have been because his legs felt like cinder blocks and if he attempted to move them he might faint, but he ignored it.

minghao shook his head. “i’m not leaving you here like this. i don’t have to call anyone, but i’m staying.”

junhui felt like stomping around and having a temper tantrum, feeling the angry tears build up his eyes. he pulled his hair, scared to find a few strands came out in his hands. “why aren’t you listening? i want to be alone, i just need to practice, why don’t you understand!”

“i-tell me what i need to understand, junhui. i understand that you’re working yourself too hard. you’re killing yourself for no reason,” he paused to run a hand through his hair. “tell me what i don’t understand.”

at this point, junhui finally got the strength he needed to stomp with one of his feet, gaining more attention from minghao. “you don’t get it, i have to do this! i’m dragging all of you down, can’t you see that, hao? do you see all the shit the fans say? i’m extra fucking weight. all i have is a pretty face, and no talent!” 

minghao’s glare that had been prominent previously dropped, face contorting into a look of pity.  _ great job, junhui. way to fuck that up. _ he was taken away from his thoughts by minghao walking forward to grab his hand. when junhui attempted to pull away he gripped it even harder, pulling him towards the bench a few feet away from them. minghao was quick to put his arm around junhui to keep him stable, stroking his hair to calm him down at the same time.

“what are you talking about? you are  _ so  _ talented, ge. you’re an amazing dancer, why would you be on the performance team if you weren’t?”

junhui laughed bitterly. “oh, come on. you and i both know that i was only put there because i can’t do anything else. i can’t sing, i can’t rap. i don’t have anything interesting about me, like being a photographer or producing music. i don’t add anything to the group, so i might as well try and be at least somewhat up to par with you guys, even if it doesn’t work.”

minghao sat silently for a second, eyebrows scrunched together. his hand unconsciously kneaded through junhui’s hair, and for a second he allowed himself to lean into the comforting touch he hadn’t felt in a long time, before realizing what he was doing and stiffening back up. minghao seemed to notice, moving his hand to junhui’s neck and massaging it slightly. he sighed, looking at junhui with pity in his eyes.

“whatever your reason for doing this, it’s not healthy. i can tell just by looking at you that you’re sick. even your hair is falling out, junhui! and it’s not just me that’s worried, we can all see how you’ve been acting recently. please, just let me take care of you,” he was basically begging, but junhui turned his head away.

“that would only be wasting my time,”  _ you’d fall behind even more. you’d be a disappointment.  _ “if i needed help i would’ve asked for it already, hao. i need to do this _. _ ”

minghao grunted in frustration and grabbed junhui’s hand. “you’re so amazing junhui, you don’t  _ need  _ to do this at all. you’re underestimating how amazing you are. do you ever take the time to think how when you joined pledis, all the experience you had was dancing in your free time, and somehow, through all of your hard work, you managed to debut with seventeen? sometimes  _ i’m  _ amazed at how talented you are. you don’t need to torture yourself to keep up with us.”

_ he’s lying. don’t let yourself believe him.  _ junhui grabbed the sides of his head and whispered, “get out of my head!” 

minghao looked into his eyes and pulled his hands away. “junhui, what are you talking about? are you- are you okay?”

“i’m fine.” he expected to hear a voice pop up in his head and tell him no, he’s not fine, but nothing happened. his mind was empty. there was no whisper of something awful, and junhui wasn’t surprised when a tear fell down his face.

minghao gasped and wiped it away, holding junhui’s hands even tighter than before. “hey. i need you to talk to me, okay? i need you to say something. anything.”

“i’m okay, hao.”

minghao sighed in relief and massaged his hand. “oh, thank god, junhui. thank god.”

“i want to go home. i think i want to get better.”

“we can do that,” minghao started, helping junhui up. “i promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave comments!!


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